Match 17: The Chequer (A) 03/03/13

The Chequer v Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

Game conceeded as we couldn’t get enough players out. Very disappointing.

Can we please look to make ourselves available and to stay available.  I know people have good reasons why they can’t play some weeks but the club simply cannot survive unless we can get 11 players and a sub or two out each week.

Well, lets cheer ourselves up with some lovely lovely statistics. Correct up to the 14th March so these numbers include figures from a game I haven’t told you about yet.

Goals this season:

Liam Brosnan 6

Liam Griffin 6

Phil Secretan 3

Paul McWilliams 3

Jake Andrews 2

Dave Jordan 1

Toby Hellier 1

Scott Chowen 1

Joe Herbert 1

Ian Pepper 1

Pretty tight.

All time goals:

1	Field, Charlie	65
2	McWilliams, Paul	47
3=	Griffin, Brendan	30
	Griffin, Liam	30
5	Brosnan, Liam	21
6	Field, John	20
7	Milham, Duncan	17
8	Jordan, Dave	13
9	Hallatt, Keith	11
10	Janza, Travis	10
11	Crook, James	9
12=	Bryson, Steve	7
	Lampard, Josh	7
	Gross, Matt	7
	Hellier, Toby	7
16=	Pullen, Mike	6
	Herbert, Harry	6
	Herbert, Joe	6
	Chowen, Scott	6
20=	Baker, Martin	5
	Manville, Warwick	5
	Chowen, Mark	5
	Secretan, Phil	5
24=	Gretzer, Ben	4
	Jones, Owen	4
26=	Kingston, Ashley	3
	Mulla, Andy	3
	Walter, Sam	3
	West, Jon	3
	Legg, Simon	3
	Courcha, Gary	3
32=	Warren, James	2
	Callister, Scott	2
	Chandler, Shaun	2
	Forsythe, Dwaine	2
	Pepper, Ian	2
	Andrews, Jake	2
38=	Hall, Ryan	1
	Manville, Spencer	1
	Marshall, Andy	1
	Rushbridge, Carl	1
	Emment, Chris	1
	Joinson, Andy	1
	Pattenden, Dan	1
	, Greg	1
	Potter, Mark	1
	Hill, James	1

I hope that comes out OK on everyone’s e-mails. Things to note include:

Liam Griffin pulling level with Brendan Griffin,

Scott Chowen moving ahead of Mark Chowen,

Liam Brosnan nudging ahead of John Field- first time John has been outside the top 5 on this list ever. Time for a return?

Appearances this season:

Milham, Duncan	16
Griffin, Brendan	15
Pepper, Ian	14
Griffin, Liam	13
Chowen, Scott	12
Field, Charlie	12
Herbert, Joe	12
McWilliams, Paul	12
Secretan, Phil	12
Chowen, Mark	11
Jordan, Dave	11
Hewson, Nick	10
Pattenden, Dan	9
Andrews, Jake	9
Brosnan, Liam	7
, Wes	6
Legg, Simon	5
Gover, Christian	4
Manville, Warwick	4
Drury, Shane	2
Hellier, Toby	2
Goalie, Az	2
Walker, Ross	2
German Lad	2
Hallatt, Keith	1
Herbert, Harry	1
Parsons, Ben	1
Parsons, Brett	1
shane’s mate	1
Thomby	1
, Lee	1

Still me at the top. It’s getting embarrassing.

All time appearances:

Name	Apps
Milham, Duncan	196
Field, Charlie	170
Chowen, Mark	161
Griffin, Brendan	159
Herbert, Joe	131
Nickolls, Lawrence	118
Manville, Warwick	118
Griffin, Liam	88
Chowen, Scott	83
McWilliams, Paul	82
Gover, Christian	79
Tomlinson, Joe	76
Rushbridge, Carl	72
Bryson, Steve	70
Peacock, Paul	67
Hallatt, Keith	62
Pepper, Ian	60
Jordan, Dave	55
Manville, Spencer	52
Janza, Travis	40
Mulla, Andy	38
Pattenden, Daniel	37
Courcha, Gary	35
Potter, Mark	34
Crook, James	32
Hewson, Nick	29
Legg, Simon	26
Secretan, Phil	25
Brosnan, Liam	24
Kingston, Ashley	23
Emment, Chris	23
Lampard, Josh	22
Pullen, Mike	20
Field, John	18
Herbert, Harry	17
Smith, Matt	15
Chandler, Shaun	14
Warren, James	14
Parsons, Ben	14
Hellier, Toby	14
Hall, Bradley	13
Rouse, Paul	13
Walter, Sam	13
Jones, Owen	13
Hill, James	13
Gretzer, Ben	12
Marshall, Andy	12
Callister, Scott	11
Gross, Matthew	11
Drury, Shane	11
Ballantine, Alex	9
Andrews, Jake	9
McWilliams, Chris	8
Baker, Martin	7
Hammond, Steve	7
Hill, Matt	7
Crook, Darran	6
Reed, Nick	6
Feehan, Paul	6
Kay, Jordan	6
Goalie, Wes	6
Walker, Ross	6
Joiner, Andy	5
West, Alex	5
Waller, Pete	4
Liamsmate, Brett	4
Brown, Henry	3
Duncan, Wes	3
Jamaica, Dwaine	3
Heasman, Chris	3
Hall, Ryan	3
Thomby	3
West, Jon	2
Woollard, Terry	2
Attwell, Nathan	2
Owen, Steve	2
Burgess, Stuart	2
, Greg	2
Barker, Andy	2
Liam’s Mate (1)	2
Liam’s Mate (2)	2
Wilson, Matt	2
Herbert, Sam	2
Scott, Jason	2
Kay, Paul	2
Goalie, Az	2
German Lad	2
Robinson, Paul	1
Rowlands, Gareth	1
, Rich	1
Mitcheson, Mitch	1
Penfold, Andy	1
, Brett	1
Tom	1
Dan	1
Shane’s Mate	1
, Lee	1

With 4 games left I can still make it to 200 appearances this season.

Jesuschrist.

Also, Brendan could easily go to third in the list.Some of these names are a bit sketchy as you go down.

That’s all for the minute.

Duncan

Match 16: Waterside (A) 24/02/13

Waterside 5 v 2 Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

Important, we discovered, not to score two own goals in the first 20 minutes. Dan’s one was sublime. A free kick from Paul on half time kept it interesting but it was all over by the time the ref waved away a clear offside to give Liam the chance to finish really well in the 90th minute.

Match 15: Waterside (H) 17/2/13

Ashcombe 1 v 5 Waterside

By Duncan Milham

Outplayed. Jake scored a decent goal but we were never really in it.

Match 14: Stanley Old Boys (A) 10/02/13

Stanley Old Boys 1 v 0 Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

Very wet pitch and not many clear chances. A deft near-post header won it. Should have had an equaliser when Liam B was pulled back when chasing a through ball.

Match 13: The Chequers (H) 13/01/13

Ashcombe 1 v 3 The Chequers

 By Duncan Milham

Can’t be bothered doing a long report as we lost.  Solid first half, 0 v 0 at half time.  We lost it with a 15 minute poor spell in the second when they scored 3 and probably could have got 4 or 5.  After that we were OK again and Joe’s 25 yard piledriver into the bottom corner was a lovely goal.  Shame we didn’t test their goalie more really.

Top of the league to play next week but I have a sort of feeling…..

Match 12: In Pulse (A) 06/01/13

In Pulse 1 v 2 Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

The trip to Woodingdean is always a bit of a gauntlet run.  Sunday morning, thankfully, is usually a fairly quiet time with the teenage single mums still sleeping off their hangovers and the schoolkids likewise.  We were able to get to the bomb shelter that they call a changing room without anyone trying to beg fags off us or throw stones at our cars.  The changing rooms, since they put big old bolts on the doors and bars AND corrugated iron on the windows, are quite nice inside and put me in mind of a Swedish sauna. My favourite kind of sauna.

So we kicked off going uphill and kind of did OK.  They probably had more possession but Liam B had two or three great chances where he got around the back but couldn’t beat the goalie from a narrow angle (twice).  Their striker was a bit odd.  He berated Mark saying “are you going to follow me around all game”.  Mark carefully explained that yes, as a defender he would indeed be following the guy around.  The striker then threatened Mark with violence “I’m going to clatter you” which the ref heard and called him and Mark in.  Mark was immediately waved away again (why bother) and the ref had a word with their numpty.

They did take the lead after about 20 minutes.  The ref let a two footed challenge on Nick go by but gave a debatable free kick to them on the edge of the area.  We lined up a decent wall but their guy his a powerful shot just inside the post.  1 v 0.

We plugged away and won a free kick just inside their half.  Paul put a ball in and Liam G won a header to retain possession in their box.  It fell to Ian on a foray forward and he made a decent connection to put it into the corner of the goal past a flat-footed goalie.  1 v 1 and half time.

The second half began and we were industrious without conceding or constructing any clear cut chances.  After an hour things were still all square and a slightly odd only-on-a-Sunday-morning incident occurred.  The ball looked set to go, and might have done, for our goal kick. It took a weird bounce though- possibly on a divot or possibly (probably more likely) on the outside of the goal line (why does the line form a furrow anyway?) and with the slope bounced back into play.  I thought it was either out or, you know, near enough and stuck my flag up. Goal kick.

Their striker- you know the one- decided to berate the ref over this.  Possibly he thought it hadn’t gone out. Possibly he thought an offside had been given.  Either way he must have sworn at the ref who called him over with the intention of booking him.  Instead of trying to charm his way out of it, however, NumptyBoy decided to give his name in a silly voice.  It was the voice that people who don’t quite understand sarcasm think is sarcastic- with a hint of pretending to mimic someone with physical and mental disabilities.  Classy.  The ref, to his immense credit, decided to allocate a separate yellow card to each type of dissent and sent the guy off.  For sarcasm.

Brilliant.

He took the time to swear at me as well and accuse me of not being up with play- I think he was still arguing that it was not offside.  He had a point.

Soon after we made a breakthrough.  Paul again played a key ball and Liam B got to a straightforward through ball just in front of the oncoming goalie.  A toe pushed it under the goalie who slowed the pace of the shot but it rolled in anyway. 2 v 1.

They had a fair bit of pressure but we stayed resolute and Liam B had chances to make it safe as they pushed forward.  He didn’t but no matter as we won anyway to put ourselves among the mid table pack.  Well done all.

Match 11: The Cricketers (A) 09/12/12

The Cricketers 4 v 1 Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

Very disappointing this week.

After beating this lot when we only had 9 men a few weeks ago we thought we would do OK but, alas, they improved a bit. A long shot into the top corner settled their nerves at 1 v 0 and when we failed to clear shortly after the ball fell to an unmarked player for their second.  A penalty won and converted by Liam gave us a way back in just before half time but we created little second half and they put two more chances in. Annoying.

Match 10: FC Deportivo (H) 25/11/12

Ashcombe 0 v 1 FC Deportivo

By Duncan Milham

With the forecasters predicting a Biblical weather system approaching, and games cancelled city-wide on Saturday, I had an unprecedented number of e-mails and texts hoping I would be able to give them the day off.  As it turned out the weather was pretty much perfect for football and though the goalies had a bit of mud to deal with around the goals we kicked off on time and all systems were go.

The ref was one we had had before and was the friendliest little man you could ever hope to meet.  What he does when 6ft brickhouses swear at him I can only imagine.  Possibly he may cry.  Since last time he had invested in a set of linemen flags with a button that made his arm beep.  It represents the greatest leap forward in Sunday morning linesman technology since the invention of thumbs and I am honoured to have been a part of it.  “Press it when someone is offside” I was instructed.

The first half was heavy going on a heavy pitch.  We toiled admirably but didn’t really create too many clear cut chances and nor did they.  Christian did well once or twice to come out quickly and they gained a couple of corners but it never really felt like they would score.  Then on 40 minutes the ball slowed as Christian came out and their striker got in first.  As the ball ran goalwards but without the momentum to actually cross the line Joe slid in and, unable to get the ball, he tripped the striker.  The striker fell past the ball and onto the goal line.  It looked as if they would still score but, amazingly, a second striker smashed the loose ball into the chest of the first striker who was now kneeling on the line and it went off for what would either be a goal kick or, technically, offside.  Truly comedic.

Alas, in the run up to all that there was a pretty clear penalty shout.  The ref- annoyingly- came up to me to find out what had happened.  He could and should have given it given the penalty himself as I am not only biased but openly so.  Given the number of dodgy lineman calls against over the years I wracked my brain to try and find some way to not give a penalty against, but it was, as they say, stonewall.  Joe said at the end, which made me feel better, that he should have been sent off.

So they scored the pen and one of their players had the grace to come to me at half time and thank me.

They really were the most schizophrenic team I have met.  One minute they would be swearing and moaning after we played on when their bloke was injured, the next they would be having a joke with me about giving a throw in.  I did get a fair bit of abuse second half.  They went offside about 8 times I guess but they became progressively more loopy each time I put my flag up.  The ref, bless him, was completely on my side and after I gave a ‘goal’ as offside- totally clear cut- he did come and tell me not to worry about them shouting.

The weirdest one was a non-throw in.  The ball looked as if it would go out but span up, bounced along the line and rolled in.  Phil decided it had gone out and walked off.  Their forward did the same.  For reference everyone- if the ball is sat on the pitch just outside your area, the referee hasn’t blown and the lineman hasn’t flagged then kick the bloody ball somewhere.  Don’t just leave it.  Also, don’t do what their guy did and pick it up.  Free kick to us and more abuse for me.

The guy who picked it up seemed a bit odd actually.  He looked a good 15 years older than most of his team and was making little jokes to make them laugh.  He had a bit of the Savilles about him if you get my meaning.

Anyhoo,

the ref’s button was utterly useless.  When I pressed it to try and make a sub he couldn’t work out which linesman was calling and played on.  When I pressed it for an offside he assumed I wanted to talk to him and stopped the game so I could explain that I hadn’t got anything to add.  Still, I’m sure the internet had a few hiccups early on as well.

Our best chances fell to Paul from a free kick, just wide, and an in form Liam G who made a powerful run followed by a shot that was well saved at full stretch.  To be fair though, we didn’t get forward too much.  We didn’t win the midfield argument- I probably should have had someone in ‘the hole’.  After Paul went off we were very ‘flat’ and they had a host of chances.  Christian made a number of quality saves but it was really very very poor finishing that kept the score down.  They missed a totally open goal at one point.  Rubbish.

Well done all though and a game against the old enemy of Stanley Old Cheats next week at out old home of Victoria Rec.  Lets get at them.

Scorers so far:

Liam G 5

Liam B 4

Phil 2

Jake 1

Toby 1

Dave 1

Match 9: BN3 (A) (Cup) 18/11/12

BN3 5     Ashcombe 1

No Match Report – 5-1 cup defeat in Wish Park against a team a couple of divisions higher. Liam G scored the solitary goal for Ashcombe.

Match 8: The Dugout (H) (Cup) 11/11/12

Ashcombe 4 v 6 The Dugout

 By Duncan Milham

I’m going off this lot.

So we had a welcome extra half hour in bed before an impeccably observed 2 minute silence.  Liam nearly missed it, clearing up as he was a small pile of dog poo.  Who lets their dog poo in the center circle, eh? An absolute Mongtard. That’s who.

A great turnout this week- thank you to Joe and Simon for agreeing to sit out after we had 16 available.  Still no goalie, alas, so a thank you also to Ian for going in goal this week.  We missed him on pitch as well.

A great start though.  Pretty much our first attack and their fat-git manager fluffed his lines and Liam B got the ball.  Fat-git tried to knock him over but he stayed upright and got a chip away which bamboozled the goalie and went in.  One nil and not 5 minutes gone.

Then we did it again! Liam G this time, again got the best of an inept Fat-git, took the ball into the area and placed the ball deftly past a goalie who looked a bit silly as he rocked on his heals.  Two nil in ten minutes.

Then we tried to hold on and we did, unconvincingly, for about 20 minutes.  Although they had had a bit of possession the goal eventually was a fluke.  A corner and their bloke headed the ball into a crowd, possibly it was Mark, and it flicked off a kneeshin just beyond the man on the line.  Two v one.

They continued to push on and we seemed to be stuck in-between the halfway line and our box.  They gained possession, played a couple of passes, the striker took a touch and finished well.  2 v 2 and just in time for half time.

The second half began and we were resilient- albeit with a flurry of injuries.  Within 10 minutes we had used all three subs as Scott, who had been in the wars all game, and Nick went off.  They were pretty robust actually.  Simply because they apologise when they hurt you doesn’t make it OK.

They then lost their rags with the referee and there really was no need.  I’m sure he made the odd error but nothing major and I thought Fat-git should have been sent off first half when he knocked Liam flat (with his belly) as last man.  Nothing given.  They barracked the ref over and over with direct swearing and a series of sly “we are against 12 men”, “this ref will give us nothing” comments that are designed to inflence the ref’s next decisions.  Cheats.  One of them was heard to say “if he comes to this country he should learn the rules of our football” which is a truly remarkable comment.  Not only racist, but apparently ignorant of the fact that the rules are the same in every country.  The guy later appeared to think that the poor guy was Italian.  I’m fairly sure Mr Ali Sirin is not Italian, but well done to them for naming a country.

Their stupidity lead to a goal though.  Not only did they give us an indirect free kick by swearing a the ref- a yellow card and fine as well- but when Nick took the kick the goalie pushed it into his own net.  All he had to do was get out of the way. Dullards.  3 v 2, we were back in front.

I can’t quite remember the order of the goals after that.  They scored 4 more: One was a corner and header, one was a break, two passes and a decent shot, one was a shot from range and one was pinball in the area as they had a couple of goes with our defence scattered.

Our goal was a second header (of the season) from Phil.  We don’t get many headed goals so this could be a record.  Lofted ball in, their goalie came and missed and Phil popped it in from inside the 6-yard box.  Well taken and 4 v 4 at that stage.

Paul nearly scored but Liam G, somehow, managed to block both a header and a shot from Paul.  I don’t think he meant to to be fair- though Paul did pip him to the golden boot last season. Hmmmmm.

So we exited the cup again. One more chance at a cup ‘run’ next week.

It was after the end I was annoyed by them though.  There is a new rule this season that, in cup games, the referee fees are shared by both teams (previously the home team, us, paid).  They claimed they had never heard of this rule and then Fat-git said “I didn’t collect money, we were too busy being annoyed at each other at how sh*t we played”.  What a w****r, he was just trying to tell us we were no good.  Obviously I said “yeah, we were doing the same”.  We have to play them one more time and I’ve marked his card. Oh yes.  Cheating, ignorant, thieving, fat useless pile of sweaty lard that he is.

So that was that.  Not a great week but all good fun.  I feel a good performance coming on next week- lets have it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Match 7: The Cricketers (H) 28/10/12

Dear all,

a little bit special this week.

Ashcombe 2 v 1 The Cricketers

By Duncan Milham

So what’s so special about that you may ask? We only had 9 players on the pitch. That’s what is so special.

9 players!

The first congratulations of the day should go to Dan who agreed to do a turn in goal.  Not sure what has become of our latest signing but safe to say the door is now open for Christian should he like to make a return.  Big thanks though Dan.

Next, thanks to Dave, Ian and Phil.  The mood pre-match was not good and it wasn’t certain that we would bother getting changed, but when Phil turned up he lifted the mood by laughing at the plight in that sort of “oohh, what a pickle that is” manner he has.  Then, when Dave and Ian arrived, they looked perplexed at the suggestion we should refuse.  “of course we should play, I’m not travelling all the way from Seaford for nowt”, and so we pulled on our socks and Brendan began to plan a way of making us competitive.

The formation and tactics, as it worked out, was a type of 3-4-1 system.  Ian, Brendan and new-signing Lee played at the back as a three man defence.  I played about 5 yards in front of them and just marked spare men as the need arose.  Phil, Nick and Liam played as an orthodox central midfield unit, albeit a very hard working one, and Dave had to lead the line chasing anything we lumped forward.  We essentially scrapped all 4 of the usual wide players in a 4-5-1 system and put one extra centre back and one extra centre midfielder.

9 players!

We kind of started OK but did go one down quite quickly.  They gained possession in midfield and had a shot from range.  Dan seemed to have it but it just slipped through his arms and bounced loose.  We didn’t react and they did.  As Dan dived forward to try and reclaim their guy had a free shot and he finished it off.  0 v 1.

Then we kind of came into the game.  They failed to create any more chances and when we had the ball we actually looked competitive.  Their defence actually looked quite scared when we went forward and our midfielders soon started finding ways to push the ball to Dave.  He gave chase manfully and actually had three good chances, one blasted wide and two saved.  All three were set up by decent balls and a chase.

After one of the chances Dave received a bit of an elbow and had some blood on his nose.  Even though it was a spot rather than a gush he had to go off and we played an age with 8 on the pitch.  That was hard work.

Have I mentioned that we only had 9?

They were getting a bit annoyed with each other at that time.  Their passing was a bit woeful and they weren’t really showing any signs of having a clue.  They had one lad in midfield who was OK and quite quick so we worked hard to close him down when he had the ball.  They had another lad who I used to play alongside many years ago and who we have played against several times who put me in mind of a slow Gary Cheese.  Yes, I do mean slow, this guy was never fast and the years had made it so that his 100m sprint time would be measured on a geological scale.  He did have a decent left foot though and if the ball got to him he tended to keep possession.  He did also nearly score at the near post at one stage.

Then something incredible happened.  We were able to retain the ball in their half and we smuggled it to Liam on the edge of their box.  I was at least 30m away and even I could detect the sight and smell of their defence pooing themselves.  Liam skipped past one defender and another fell over as Liam went by.  A third defender waved his foot ineptly and a fourth, that might have been the first one trying again slid in poorly.  The goalie charged out and Liam skipped past him as he went to ground leaving the goal open and the defence powerless.  Everyone went silent. The birds stopped singing. The wind stopped blowing.  Then Liam kicked it and we were level.

And with only 9 men!

This was now officially the most goals we had scored with 9 players.  It did happen once before- 9 players- and we made it to 70 minutes before eventually conceding the first of 3.  I still tease Loz for shouting “No more, that’s the last they score” after we went 2 v 0 down before accidentally smashing one into his own net. He hee.

I had a little listen to their half time talk and they were not too cheerful.  Instead of laying down tactics to best utilise a two-man advantage they complained a lot and moaned.  We didn’t really have much to say apart from keep going.  Everyone had been fantastic.

They kicked off and clearly had decided on some kind of plan as they put 15 passes together.  All of them were in their own half and under precisely zero pressure from us.  Brendan shouted “Let them do that, they aren’t good enough to pass it for all 45 minutes” or something like that, which was both funny and true.  As Phil said, it wasn’t as if they could put 50 passes together then give it to Messi and score. As is turned out, their opening spell of possession ended abruptly

They put Sammy Cheese out wide on the left and that was probably their best route of attack.  As they moved up the wing we were pulled a little wide and the crosses looked dangerous.  Brendan, Ian and Lee all looked commanding in the air though and the midfield did well enough to make it hard for them.  They had one header that Dan saved calmly.  There was also a moment as a corner was sent slowly goalwards towards me on the post.  A simple clearance always gets incredibly hard when a mistake means a certain goal but fortunately it span off my chest for another corner. Dan had to claw a few crosses away as their strikers came in and he kept us in it.

They were a nice bunch.  The linesman they provided for us didn’t cheat at all and there was hardly a foul all game.  They were getting frustrated though and every misplaced pass was met with annoyance.  Suddenly, their heads were going down and it was actually as if we had more players.

Although Dave flashed one past the post, we hadn’t had many chances in the second half but Nick kept the dream alive.  He had three shots from range on about the 75 minutes mark.  the first was saved and the second went just wide with the goalie looking a little at sea.  Then a throw in down the left and Nick swung a foot at it.  It looped up and seemed set for the top corner- it would have been something special- a 40 yard volley into the top corner- had the goalie not tipped it over the bar.

And so we had a corner.  Dave took it and Nick jumped on the near post.  Nobody made contact and it fell loose to Liam on the back post.  Again, everything went slow motion and their goalie came out. Liam shifted it to his left foot and hit a powerful drive into the roof of the net.  A remarkable 2 v 1 lead.

Incredibly, it was all us after that. Dave had another chance after a run, Liam nearly made it a left-foot hat-trick and Ian had half the pitch to himself but just a bit too far to go to create a real opportunity.  Lee also nearly scored after a long long run from defence, finding the side netting at the near post.

Full time came and we had secured a famous victory.  Really well done everyone.

I still ache.

This team are bottom but they have had some OK results among the poor ones and we were bloody brilliant.

Next week, please PLEASE can we get a few more players. An emotional return to Victoria Rec and a cup game are in the offing.

9 men.

Match 6: Racing Varndean (A) 21/10/12

Racing Club Varndean 2 v 5 Ashcombe

By Duncan Milham

That’s a bit better.

So we arrived at Braypool ready to fend off the Tuberculosis ridden Badgers but we were met only by peaceful dog walkers and a minor kit clash.  Although we did have an older dark-blue kit, the ref didn’t seem to think it was a problem- light blue v white, and we got underway.

We got under way and it was fairly even in the opening exchanges.  We were looking to pass it better than in previous weeks and, whilst we didn’t really endanger their goal, Mark looked generally comfortable.  They did hit the bar, in fairness, but neither team did enough to deserve the lead. Our defence looked comfortable and Joe’s return alongside Brendan at the centre, together with a tight midfield unit of Scott, Nick, Jake, Phil and Paul, meant we actually looked comfortable in the middle- albeit at the expense of width. And, while I remember, thank you to Mark for doing a turn in goal. He looked as solid as ever and we can put his kicking down to the knee operation.

As Warwick came along to view all that had once been his- 11 men lumbering around a park trying to avoid TB- three people came up to independently to say he put them in mind of a young David Pleat.  Can’t see it myself. He drives too fast.

And then we scored- hooray!  A corner was won.  Paul put it over and Phil stooped to put his head on it.  It went upwards and their goalie did a passable impression of the opening dance moves from NKOTB’s hangin’ tough: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs257d8I6SI&feature=related (try not to watch beyond the first 15 seconds). The ball flew up into the roof of the net and we celebrated like happy little monkeys. 0 v 1.

We carried ourselves through to half time and felt like we should close out the game second half.  They had their best phase after the break though and even before they equalised Mark was called on to make two full length saves and a point blank stop followed by a brave dive-on-the-ball.  Their goal came from a shot from range and, although Mark got close, he couldn’t stop it.

Fortunately we hit straight back. Had they been allowed to grow in confidence we might have had problems but a long high and hopeful free-kick from Brendan caught their goalie on his heels and whilst he was able to give the ball a bit of a slap in doing his hanging tough dance it dropped down 3 yards out where Liam was able to touch it in. 1 v 2.

And then again. Joe controlled it and made ten yards before hitting a quality long ball for Liam.  Their linesman kept his flag down, for once, and Liam was away.  Their goalie looked suddenly very small as Liam had time to pick a spot and he placed it calmly home to claim his third of the season and second of the morning. 1 v 3 and, as their player remarked, game over. Liam, interestingly, moves up to 6th in our all time scorers list (displacing me: boo). John Field’s 5th place spot looks to be well within his sights.

On a personal note, it was far more enjoyable this week and I reckon in my half hour that I saw more of the ball than in the previous 180 minutes.  I even got to do a step over at one point which ‘did’ the defender who hacked me down as I went by.  Four of our players came to ask me where that came from and, surprisingly, so did a guy I work with the following morning.  I even thought I was going to score for one moment as Liam went round the back before laying it back, but it fell slightly better for an onrushing Jake who called well and smashed in his first for the team from close range- well done.  1 v 4.

Then a cracker from Dave.  As they went ragged and started pushing defenders up front, Paul was able to pick out Dave in space on the right.  He ran 30 yards and smacked the ball in from the edge of the box past a diving keeper.  1 v 5 and it was all worthwhile again.

They got one more back.  A long shot dipped in unexpectedly, 2 v 5.

All over bar the shouting and they did a bit of that. They complained the ref was biased, they complained about the kit clash- probably a bit late after 88 minutes- and they complained about us tackling them.  They even picked up a couple of cards which was unnecessary.  Always funny to hear Paul say “I think your taking this a little bit too seriously” to their guy and then watch him spinning on the spot so engaged in rage that he cannot find a reply. Ha Ha.

And so we move to within striking range of mid-table and within 4 points of the Stanley Old Boys- always a benchmark. Another of the teams below us next week- lets get a run going.

All time scorers list:

1	Field, Charlie	65
2	McWilliams, Paul	44
3	Griffin, Brendan	30
4	Griffin, Liam	25
5	Field, John	20
6	Brosnan, Liam	18
7	Milham, Duncan	17
8	Jordan, Dave	13
9	Hallatt, Keith	11
10	Janza, Travis	10
11	Crook, James	9
12=	Bryson, Steve	7
	Lampard, Josh	7
	Gross, Matt	7
	Hellier, Toby	7
16=	Pullen, Mike	6
	Herbert, Harry	6
18=	Baker, Martin	5
	Manville, Warwick	5
	Herbert, Joe	5
	Chowen, Mark	5
	Chowen, Scott	5
23=	Gretzer, Ben	4
	Jones, Owen	4
25=	Kingston, Ashley	3
	Mulla, Andy	3
	Walter, Sam	3
	West, Jon	3
	Legg, Simon	3
	Courcha, Gary	3
	Secretan, Phil	3
32=	Warren, James	2
	Callister, Scott	2
	Chandler, Shaun	2
	Forsythe, Dwaine	2
36=	Hall, Ryan	1
	Manville, Spencer	1
	Marshall, Andy	1
	Rushbridge, Carl	1
	Emment, Chris	1
	Joinson, Andy	1
	Pattenden, Dan	1
	, Greg	1
	Potter, Mark	1
	Pepper, Ian	1
	Hill, James	1
	Andrews, Jake	1

 

Match 5: The Dugout (H) 14/10/12

Ashcombe 1 v 3 The Dugout

By Duncan Milham

It was a bit weird this week -in a good way. After struggling for players and form over the last few weeks it was great to have a surplus of talent on the team sheet this week. We had two new faces- welcome to Wes in goal and Jake up front- and a return of 4 old faces.  Joe returns from injury to boost our crowd figures (I actually have to put ‘2’ when I fill the match return card in). Paul has returned from a cycling trip to Istanbul via Berlin (I bet he still asks for a lift to Plumpton when the time comes). Phil is back after a year off in which he moved to Brighton, created life and lost his boots. And great to see prodigal son Liam who scored the most recent of his 15 Ashcombe goals in the 2006/07 season.  He says he was teaching in Sri Lanka but, well, lets just say that the Tamil Tigers were a major political and military force in the region PRIOR to 2007.

 

A quick moan- if you decide not to play even if it is because you are hungover or whatnot, please just give Brendan or me a text.  We had two people simply not turn up on Sunday and we had people who wanted to play who we had told no.  Just because there are 14 names on the Friday doesn’t mean we don’t need you come Sunday.

 

Anyway, we kicked off and set about our task in a resolute way.  Our defence looked solid throughout the first half as they were restricted to a couple of long shots and drew Wes into action to claim the odd over hit through ball.  We didn’t really gel first half though and whilst Scott and Liam B made some progress on the flanks we couldn’t seem to retain any consistent possession in their half.  We did have three decent chances though. A free kick from the right was defended nervously whilst one from the left found three of our players unmarked. Jake made contact but could only push it wide with Paul and Mark in close attendance.

 

Half time was 0 v 0 and we had a decent chance. Both Liams continued to look dangerous on the break but their goal came after some concerted pressure.  A bit of pinball and their little guy had a shot. Wes saved but it fell loose and their little man poked it in from the edge of the 6-yard box.  0 v 1.

 

Joe came on and looked very solid in midfield.  We were a bit shell-shocked though and a few minutes later they got a second.  A chip and chase came over and their striker, showing a rare turn of pace, got a bit of a lucky bounce to get ahead of Wes and the ball broke to allow a simple tap-in. 0 v 2.

 

Then we came back a bit. The Liams combined and Liam B scampered past the defence to isolate the goalie.  A calm finish and we were back in the game. 1 v 2.

 

The ref (Mr P Head- always makes me giggle) then had a bit of a funny turn. First he gave a penalty against us for a pretty innocuous shove right on the edge of the box.  The lad who took it was in my year 9 team when I was teaching at Longhill.  Needless to say he missed- never won a game in 2 and a half years that bunch of muppets.

 

Next the ref failed to give a penalty to us as their goalie took out Liam two footed.  Phil narrowly missed the target as the ball came loose.

 

Then, and this is a new one on me, the ref managed to give offside even though their linesman didn’t flag.  Liam B couldn’t quite believe it- nobody could.

 

Late on, the game was put to bed.  We tried to push on but left gaps at the back and they had a chance that was converted well.  1 v 3.

 

Shame as we’ve done well against this lot in the past.  We nearly got something out of it though, our new and returning players were all looking good and I see no reason why we shouldn’t get the results we deserve in weeks to come.  Goals have been hard to come by whilst, barring last week, our defence has been pretty robust.  I believe in us.

 

 

 

 

 

Match 4: AFC Stanley Old Boys (H) 30/09/12

Ashcombe 0 v 4 AFC Stanley Old Boys

By Duncan Milham

W*****s

Match 3: Bevendean (A) 23/09/12

Ashcombe 0 v 2 Bevendean

By Duncan Milham

A short lived cup run but better than I feared.

This pitch has to be one of the worst in the league. Firstly you have to bear the run along the old Brighton road where the majesty of the AmEx stadium (to the North) or Brighton (South) gradually give way to, first, the horrific 1970s buildings of Sussex Uni then the squalor of Moulsecoomb with its caravan infested front gardens and kids playing with burning tyres.  As you take the turn off and leave normality behind, I often wonder how many people turn back before reaching that pitch, either from thinking there cannot be anything ahead or from straight forward fear.  It is odd, I mean: how often do you take a road that winds towards a destination without any turn offs that actually ends with a dead end at your destination?

Still, we did at least make it over the harshest of the speed bumps without injury and arrived in good time.

They had grabbed the large changing room so we crammed ourselves into what appeared to be a council run leisure centre sauna.  After some late call-ups we had a sub but no goalie so we were all chuffed when Simon volunteered to do a stint in goal- thank you Simon.

The pitch its self is OK in that is is flat and rectangular, but we did have to clear substantial amounts of dog poo from the pitch. I say we. Mark did it. It is bad enough that these scummers let their mongrels poo and don’t pick it up, but why let them do it in the centre circle? Gits.

So we played some football.

We set up with a 4-4-1-1 formation and we kept to the plan. They are a couple of divisions above us and kept the ball well but we played two banks of four with myself and Dave doing what we could to buzz around their defensive players when they had the ball. Our defence kept us in it though and Brendan must have won 15 headers around the penalty spot to clear the lines.  Simon made two of three excellent saves and we just made sure they never had it easy.  Every time they had the ball in our area we were making them turn away from goal and they were arguing about shooting when they should have passed and vice-versa.

And I tell you what, this lot were absolute #rseholes to each other.  One defender had the goalie absolutely laying into him for a sustained 2 minutes over a mis-placed pass, the goalie carried on going for a long time after the point had been made until the defender was seething with rage. The goalie, amazingly, finished by saying “I’m telling you this because, this morning, I’m your team-mate, not your brother”.

We had 4 decent chances though. One break from Liam and a low cross was cut out by a defender who was relieved to see he had missed putting it through his own goal.  Later on Nick took a decent free kick and had another shot that narrowly missed after Charlie himself had a shot blocked before regaining the ball and laying it off.

Then they scored. A cross out of the box met a striker unmarked and he had time to pick a spot.  He didn’t pick a great one and Simon may have saved again before Mark got across to block the shot but only managed to deflect it into the goal. 45th minute as well.  It’s hard to say they were lucky to be ahead as they had done well all half, but it was a lucky goal.

Half time saw Scott on for Mark thus maintaining the Chowen quota. Happy birthday today by the way Marky!

And so we began again and more of the same. They were frustrated and if we could have just nabbed a goal they would have gone mental- and we did go close.  The best chance came late on to Dave who latched onto a through ball and bettered the defender. As the goalie came out Dave couldn’t quite find a shot to beat him and when the rebound came off the keepers ankle he was able to put it past the goalie but, alas, not on target.

One other chance came. Liam took the ball off a defender who went down as if he had been mauled by a horny bull.  They all stopped but Liam didn’t and he put a decent cross over that, alas, I was about a yard or two short of reaching. 

Simon continued to do well in the way that non-goalies sometimes do.  At one point he dropped the ball at the forwards feet inside the six-yard box, then dived full length to push a point-blank shot around the post.  Smiles all round from us.

The clincher came in the 90th minute.  Well taken but we were disappointed not to clear it.  Decent control, jinked it past a defender and placed it into the bottom corner.

The fact we are able to do a job like that on a team from a higher division that picks from a squad and trains weekly is testament to how organised we have become.  From my personal point of view, I am not unhappy with losing 2 v 0 as we gave a half-decent team a good run.  Losing 8 v 0 is no fun but we were still in the cup for 89 of the 90 minutes on Sunday (until they scored the second) and we can build on that.

Well done everyone.

Here are the fixtures for next month, we are scheduled to play the next 6 Sundays (and probably beyond that).

This Sunday: Home to SOBs

October 7th: away to ‘The Chequer FC’

October 14th: Home to ‘The Dugout’

October 21st: Away to ‘Racing Club Varndean’

October 28th: Home to ‘The Cricketers’

November 4th: Away to ‘FC BN3’ (in the Sussex Cup).

Match 2: In Pulse (H) 16/09/12

Ashcombe 1 v 4 In Pulse

By Duncan Milham

It is once again an honour to be writing to you all again. I shall again attempt to validate our Sunday morning efforts by making them sound somehow romantic and noble. As ever, the truth will probably shine through. Please please feel free to reply using the words STOP E-MAILING ME THIS DRIVEL YOU TIT if you would rather not receive these e-mails.

At long long last there is a ‘right to reply’ facility this season. These match reports are being used to flesh out our own Charlie Field’s otherwise excellent Blog/webpage, give it a look at: https://sportsdiaryblog.wordpress.com/ and feel free to comment.

After a win the previous week and, for the first time ever (I think) a second successive clean sheet we went into this week with a degree of confidence.  Although there were clear rumours that we might have a substitute this week, we were still trying to stall for the time as the opposition were stood in 4-4-2 formation tapping their wrists and heckling the ref. We had to borrow a linesman and get under way.

The early exchanges produced little of note.  The main interest was to see how long Mark’s heavily strapped knee would last before he collapsed which, despite a few shaky moments and strained expressions, turned out to be the full 90 minutes. Hooray. The defence actually looked pretty solid. Charlie won 5 headers which equals his tally for our first 6 seasons, Brendan and Mark scrambled back where needed and saw the ball away and Ian looked comfortable against a team that liked to play the ball wide.

After a pretty even first 20 minutes, they had a good phase of play winning the midfield argument for a period.  Their breakthrough goal came from a break down their left.  The winger cut inside and put a decent ball over that their striker put in from close range. 1 v 0.

We did come back though and Toby came about as close to an equaliser as is possible.  Their defender mis-kicked a long ball and Toby was away. He got to the ball just in front of their oncoming goalie and nudged the ball past him. Sadly it wasn’t quite goalbound and although Liam made a heroic effort to nudge it in or, as it neared the line, to scoop it back but, alas, it just rolled out.

Toby did continue to look dangerous. He won a free kick- a fine delivery from Nick was headed wide.  Then a moment of controversy. Toby ran through and as the goalie came well out of his area, the ball came up and hit the goalie’s hands- both of them- as they were raised above his head. We all shouted for a free kick but the ref, incredibly, waved it away. The explanation was that it had hit the goalie’s foot first and bounced up. The ref said this and the goalie had the nerve to appear indignant that we should even have appealed! Now, I’ve checked the rules. It turns out that you AREN’T allowed to use your hands EVEN IF the ball has already hit your foot.  An odd decision.

Half time and it was only 1 v 0 so we were still in the game and our sub had now turned up so we had reasons for optimism.  More so as the second half began.  Dave and Charlie combined really well down the right and put in a series of quality balls.  Toby had two chances though the ball never quite fell right, I had a header which was easily saved and badly fluffed my lines from a low cross.  Swing and a miss.

Then they eased back into it.  They won a corner and scored a far post header. Always disappointing to concede but also hard to stop- if a decent headerer of the ball gets a decent cross then there is danger. 2 v 0.

We made a substitution, Richard came on for his debut and looked lively down our left.  He was in the mix for our goal which, as far as I could see, was either a superb reaction and sublimely placed header, or a bit of luck.  The ball went in and their defender headed it away. Liam was about 2 meters from the defender and it hit his head, looped up over the goalie and into the goal.  2 v 1 and we were back in it.

Sadly, we never really looked like getting back into the game.  As we pushed on our defenders became isolated and they added a third.  Brendan and Charlie were both unlucky with the bounce as two strikers combined and the finish- smashed into the top corner- was actually pretty good. 3 v 1.

Then, eventually, the fourth.  They broke again and despite a very good save from our stand-in goalie, the ball hit Brendan and bounced to their bloke who scored from close range.  4 v 1 and, in all fairness, the best team probably won.  Unbeaten in their first three games, they will probably be among the top few this season and we gave them a good game.

As I despondently held the flag for the last few minutes, four of their supporters, 3 lads in their early teens and 1 a little older, clearly became bored.  They started off by pretending they were chasing a ball, a pink ball, before discarding the prop and rolling around on each other.  They spent several minutes frolicking. I didn’t honestly know where to look. Their crowd, about a dozen came to watch, didn’t seem to find it surprising so maybe it just happens every time they win.  The fun ended, unsurprisingly, in tears and with one of them holding his balls.  All very odd.

Anyhoo,

the game ended 4 v 1 and we turn our thoughts to a cup game against a higher ranked team next week. Bring ’em on.

MoM this week would be hard to call, though Liam probably deserved it. Chaz had a decent shout, he looked solid defensively and also added options going forward.  Toby also ran well all game.

On a different note, several people could pass landmarks this season:

Dave and Ian are both close to 50 appearances (currently 46 and 47), Brendan is likely to reach 150 (currently 146) whilst Liam (77) , Christian (75) and Scott (72) could reach 100, though we may need a cup run for that to happen. Duncan (181) could reach a double century.

As goals go, Paul (44) could reach 50 this term and Toby (7) should be the 11th Ashcombe player to make it into double figures.

And, by my reckoning, myself, Mark, Charlie and Joe are all due a testimonial come the end of this season.

Well done everyone, looking forward to another year.

Match 1: FC Deportivo (A) 02/09/12

FA Deportivo 0 Ashcombe Wanderers 1

By Brendan Griffin-Ryan.

I think Winston Churchill summed it up nicely when he said, “Never in the field of conflict was so much owed to so few”.

With a bare eleven on Thursday I announced the team, formation and skipper for the season. This bold move obviously paid off with one of the finest opening day performances in the history of this great club.

On a wet and damp day in the nasty part of Brighton, the Ashcombe chariot rolled into town.  A high intensity warm up got the boys in the right frame mind and we were ready to roll. However, just before kick -off Liam made friends with a Polish/Romanian man in the park, they exchanged email addresses and I will update you on what happened next week.

With a 4-3-3 formation we started the brighter of the two teams. We looked solid and didn’t look like conceding. Toby chased the laser-like passes arrowed down the line by our cultured midfield three of Shane, Brett and Nick ‘The Card’ Hewson. After 25 mins the opposition must have realised that our club no longer had a dead ball specialist, as they began to put a few challenges in, safe in the knowledge that we wouldn’t score. ‘The Card’ almost proved them wrong. Toby was brought down about 20 yards outside the box. Nick stepped up a tested the keeper who made an impressive save for a fat bloke. The last 15 mins we found ourselves under more pressure but we didn’t allow any clear cut chances.

At halftime I decided that we would switch to 4-4-2 as we were basically playing 4-5-1 for the last 15 mins.  However, the team seemed to think we could make the 4-3-3 work so we kept the same formation, and would change things if necessary.

The second half continued as the first half finished. Basically, they had the majority of the ball but had the penetration of impotent Roy from East Enders. Dan and Charlie looked composed at back, and with the birthday boy at left back we had possibly a 150 year old back four. Dunc – is this a record? We did create a goal scoring chance in the second half. Some nice play by Dave on the left and the ball was played into the box. Toby I think drilled a shot that the keeper spilled and Shane couldn’t quite get his shot on target.

Our new hired gun in goal Az was playing well. He made a point blank save at his near post and punched well from corners, which helped us clear our lines. We dozed off. A couple poor headers and failed clearances and their centre forward was clean through in the box but he blazed it over higher than Alan Ball’s voice.

After soaking up the pressure we attacked down the left. A foul was given by the ref who was wearing pink and who had secretly whispered into Nick’s ear before the game that he had just come back from Gay Pride and was out and proud. Brett stepped up and fizzed a ball into the box, I ran to the near post and missed it but my canny run left a space for Toby to smash the granny out the ball.

1-0, the most sacred score in football, could we hold on? Of course we could. Toby, unusually gave a silly free-kick away 25 yards out. Their player smashed the ball but Az chuckled as he knew it would hit the bar. We then held out for the rest of the match without too much drama.

It was a great start to the season, seeing as we had so many players out this week. The MOTM has to go to a defender, so the birthday boy Scott gets it this week for an outstanding display in the art of being a fullback, Get back in the Freezer as we need you thawed out for next week.

There is an old English saying…..